January 20, 2018

I woke up and did self-inquiry as I usually do the minute I wake up from sleep. I got out of bed for a minute or two and then lay back down and fell asleep. I dreamt I got up again and it was a bright morning. I was standing in my bedroom in the house I lived in as a child.

I stood in the middle of the room and noticed something was happening, not externally, but in my awareness. I was very present as I am when doing self inquiry. I was contemplating that everything is just what it is and exists without a separate observer, and a feeling of oneness came over me. Then for an instant I got a real glimpse of the truth – everything is what it is, without a “me”! As I began getting this insight there was a “blink” of freedom. It was like a total relaxation and surrender where nothing was being held onto – something I have no words to describe. Everything is relinquished. I felt a rush of tingly physical sensations and thought “it’s happening!” and my body started spinning right to left. I was immediately surrounded by a swirl of golden light with streaks of pink and white. As I started to spin, I floated up off the floor. I instantly became wide awake and knew I was having an OBE. My body now seemed to BE nothing but swirling light. I rose to the ceiling and then I was awake in bed.

The sense of the insight was with me all day and I found myself being present more often. I have a deeper sense of the meaning of surrender and non-attachment. The illusory wall of separation seems thinner.

This made me think about a video arcade game I played in the 1970’s called Tank. Where I worked I had a key and could play it for free. I discovered when I got my tank following the enemy tank, that if I pushed the enemy tank from behind without firing the gun, the game went haywire and the tanks stuck together and flew all over the board. This was obviously just a glitch in the game but at the time it seemed to mean something profound. It’s like when there is total harmony something amazing happens – two become one and all the rules disappear. In today’s experience I was losing my identification as a separate being. The only thing that exists is everything, and it’s all one. You recognize your innate freedom – there never was a trap and you were never not free.